Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression is a unique look into topics we, as a society, are often loathe to discuss: abuse and mental illness. Kerry Connelly provides a sobering look into both, using her own personal experiences combined with resource materials to provide both insight and help to the reader. Unlike typical self-help books, Shaken illustrates how gradually a normal relationship can transform into emotional abuse, almost before the abused can identify what is happening. For someone like Kerry Connelly, already suffering from anxiety and depression, this type of abuse slowly chipped away at her confidence and mental stability over time. The clinical way in which she writes about her own emotional abuse allows her story to be read and understood in a way that forces even the most jaded and cynical reader to acknowledge the real toll this kind of abuse can have on a person.

The beauty of Shaken is that it talks about the lesser known form of abuse — emotional — that is often dismissed as over-sensitivity. Kerry Connelly is candid about the behavior of her abuser as well as her own behavior during this period of her life, which is eye-opening, maddening, and finally relieving. Reading about Kerry’s last row with her abuser was enough to make all girls cheer her on for finally reclaiming her strength, her confidence, and her own identity. Not only does this story illustrate how devastating this type of abuse can be, it also provides insight into the weakness of the abuser and his (or her) need to control and put another person down. The reaction of Kerry’s abuser when she found her strength is proof that her weakness made him feel stronger and her strength demolished his perceived notions of grandeur which further angered him.

Her entire story can be summed up with her own quote: “The woman in the story IS me, yet she is not me, she never was me, nor will she ever be me again.”

Author Kerry Connelly in Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression certainly reaches to the core of the pressing issues of abuse. While the author shares her story, allowing the reader to walk down the trail of pain, disappointment, hurt, anger, and so many other emotions, she also offers hope, wisdom, insight, and direction for how one can move beyond living in that environment and lifestyle. This book isn't for the faint-hearted as it describes the real facts of what occurs in the everyday life of one who is abused.

Author Connelly does a wonderful job of explaining definitions of words as well as the effects of being abused. Moods, traits, and methods that one uses to create this emotional bondage are listed, providing keen insight into what to look for in order to seek help and a way out. Control, anger, and self-pity are just a few signs of those who are the abusers. They want to keep the victim under their thumb, controlling what they are doing. While the book gives the personal examples of author Connelly, I'm sure many readers will see themselves in the pages as they read.

Before the end of the book, the author lists several resources, as well as a step-by-step guide on how to leave. This information is very valuable for anyone who is contemplating escaping their current abusive situation. If you find yourself being abused, this book will offer insight and hope that tomorrow can certainly be brighter.

Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a first-hand look at the effects of abuse at the hands of her partner, as well as the depression and anxiety that colored the author’s life. This differs from other books about abuse in that Kerry was not physically abused, rather she was emotionally battered over a period of months. This is a true story of how a relationship can start and then slowly, sneakily turn abusive, almost before the abused person knows what is happening. From suggestions on how to better herself, to criticism with a smile, to screaming rages in which she was verbally flattened time and again, I was able to see how the abuse escalated. So many women think it could never happen to them, but Kerry thought that at one time as well.

One thing I really appreciated about this book was that it does tackle emotional abuse. So many people believe that if a person is not being beaten, they’re not really being abused. Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a quick read as she candidly shares her story, and also offers a wonderfully in-depth look at many of the things she endured. She lists things to watch for, she tells how a depressed person feels, and how an abused person feels. She lists things that friends and family can do, and equally important, what they should not do or say. There is also a wonderful resource section that will surely help someone who is in a bad situation. I feel I have a much better understanding of emotional abuse and depression, and I am grateful that Kerry is still around to tell her tale.

Shaken is a well told tale of the effects of emotional abuse on someone who is already dealing with a condition of depression. Kerry Connelly relates the spiral of worsening abuse and deeper depression skillfully, while offering support to others who may be suffering from the same hurtful treatment. Connelly describes the behaviors of the abuser, the feelings and desperation of the victim and the sense of loneliness that can become incapacitating. With the help of family and friends, it is possible to overcome the paralysis caused by the loss of self-esteem and ability to function. The increasing instability of the emotional abuser is depicted in frightening clarity and provides tremendous contrast to the reawakened positive sense of self that breaks through and develops the courage and energy to escape the nightmarish situation.

Mental and emotional abuse is a significant problem that is more often than not swept under the rug for a variety of reasons. Kerry Connelly shakes out that rug in Shaken, a personal tale of suffering emotional abuse and the anxiety, depression, and desperation that are inevitably a result. This book offers a clear insight into the deceptive lives of both the abuser and the victim and stresses the importance of listening to, believing, and helping rescue the victim. Not only family and friends but the medical and mental health community need to accept responsibility for identifying instances of this behavior and helping both parties become healthier.

Shaken is an excellent read for anyone in an abusive relationship or who knows someone who is, as well as for medical and support personnel and the general public who need to realize it can and does happen to anyone at any time.

It's not often you find a book that speaks so clearly and honestly, that you can feel the intent of the story so clearly. 'Shaken' is such a book. Not having been through any type of abuse or severe depression myself, Shaken has helped me to see my friend in a different light regarding the sections on depression. I felt so bad hearing what the hold of depression can be like, and was able to see the signs of depression of a friend I have through this book. Thanks to the self-help sections made for friends of the depressed (and abused) I've been able to see that my friend needs help and support. A great book for all.

You can tell when an author really believes in their story!
Shaken is such a book.
Written with a no-holds-barred outlook on emotional abuse and depression, written from the first person with heaps of self-help material for sufferers and their families of abuse and mental illness.amazing.

This story is a truth for many people around the world. This is a story about emotional abuse. So many people are in abusive relationships and don't recognize it. This book would be a great aid for many people going through abuse. I like all the references to the different types of abuse and symptoms. The author is obviously extremely knowledgeable on the subject. I commend her for escaping her situation and getting the help needed. Also liked that even though the subject matter is heavy, there were several moments of humor and I absolutely love the sarcastic undertone of the narrators voice. I couldn't help but notice that the 'villian' in this story had no name. I loved that she didn't glorify the character with a name because he was hateful and undeserving. Big Kudos to Kerry Connelly!

“How can you tell you’re being emotionally abused? How can you spot the signs? After all, emotional abuse doesn’t leave any physical evidence. The thing is, if you’re asking yourself this question from a personal situational standpoint, it’s more than likely that you are being emotionally abused and being confused about it often comes part in parcel with the abuse as part of its conditioning.”

What an admirable creation Kerry Connelley has written. This is truly an eye-opening book. Not only is it about Kerry's own experiences of exacerbated depressive-anxiety symptoms within an abusive relationship, Kerry also seeks to create awareness around issues of emotional abuse and depression in her first 52 pages and includs a Help and Advice section at the end of the book.

Kerry thoroughly examines the victim's experience from the inside out, as well as clearly outlining the behaviours and beliefs of an emotional abuser. In this way, no one can be confused about whether they are in an abusive relationship or not; the facts are laid out for them. Though Kerry writes with the experience of being a victim, Kerry champions her work with a voice that is strong, intelligent and inspiring. While urging us to keep in mind “that the abuser is ‘troubled themselves,” Kerry also clearly states that “You are not and will never have been the reason why a person decides to abuse, no matter how many times they may tell you that you’re the cause of their behaviour. – You are not,” and “No one deserves to be treated in a way that is hurtful, degrading and fearful.”

This review is not only a review of Kerry's hard work in writing this book, but is also an account of my experience with Kerry as a person who is passionate about encouraging people towards an awareness on emotional abuse and mental health issues. While Kerry is not a medical professional, she has courageously instigated online forums for discussion of these issues and in the process has positively affected many lives.

Before meeting Kerry, I was only subtley aware of what emotional abuse actually looked like. It was through talking with Kerry and being in her online forums, that I came to understand it better and how it is a more subtle form of controlling a victim. I also came to realize that the victim may not even be fully aware that it is happening to them, as their support systems and confidence in themselves are both whittled away. Then once they do realize it, they may find it hard to accept that they have gotten themselves into a relationship like this, or they may feel too dependent on what the relationship is offering to muster the sense of self to get out, further, they may be too fearful to be spouting the term “abuser” around regarding a mate who people may not recognize as abusive. The fear that others may look on him/her as “mentally unstable,” or not really 'help-able,' is a real fear for these people. This is the rub though, since the emotional-abuser does activate mental health issues in their partner, it makes the victim look less believable to others and thus instills further control. It is understandable when a victim is so hesitant intitially to know how to get out of a situation like this, especially if they don't fully believe that their partner is abusive, or come up with various excuses for their partner's behaviour such as; things will get better, they love him, he's stressed, he has some past-trauma, this behaviour is 'normal' in relationships, or that they 'deserved' it due to the nature of the relationship dynamic that has been instilled. The facts though, are that if the partner is emotionally-abusive; there is no changing them, they are resistive to any change, the relationship no longer becomes about love, things will get worse and you deserve better!

In reading her book now that it's about to be published, I see more and more subtle clues of abusive tendencies that I normally may have brushed off if someone had mentioned them to me regarding their relationship. It is courageous for Kerry to seek to help others be more fully aware of even the small things that may seem unimportant, but when they accumulate to the point of severely affecting your health, your relationships, your job, your sense of self or purpose in life and, ultimately, your happiness; these are huge indicators of what is not right.

Not only is Kerry an advocate against emotional abuse, but Kerry bravely advocates for awareness of, and for those with, various mental illness'. Kerry is a compassionate and hard-working support to those who struggle with restrictions, a truly kindred spirit, and I look forward to reading many more of her writings!

Shaken – Kerry Connelly’s emotional rollercoaster and educational journey into abuse and depression.

I loved Shaken. As someone who has dealt with abuse of a different kind, reading someone else’s real life story on the matter was somewhat therapeutic to me, and I think it will be to others. In fact I think it will encourage others to share their stories of abuse, too.

What I loved about Shaken was the way that Kerry has shared her story about what ‘he’ put her through (omitting to share the name of ‘him’ was something I actually cheered about as I agree with Kerry, someone who can do that is not worthy of having his name shared for the world to know.), but also that she managed to turn this into a highly educational book on the subject matter. Not only does Kerry include so much valuable information – checklists, websites and the likes, but she also focuses on the loved ones of the abused, giving great advice on how to recognise the signs, how to help etc. Sometimes you read a book on a similar subject and there may be a link or two at the end and everything except the telling of the story is overlooked, but Kerry has gone to great lengths to make sure that these are given a lot of time and attention and are as much a part of Shaken as her own story is.

Shaken also touches on the fact that still, emotional abuse is a topic that to some of the world, is not seen as ‘real’ or important enough to take seriously, and with her story I hope Kerry shows how real it is and that especially more medical professionals need to recognise that emotional abuse and depression are still treat by some as matters that can be swept to one side, and this is not the case!

I was so pleased with the end of Kerry’s story and that she showed that she found her Mr Right and it can happen for everyone else, and I hope this gives anyone in an abusive situation that hope and encouragement to see it can happen for them, too.

Shaken is an amazing story showing emotional abuse in it's many forms. Kerry starts the book off with different definitions of abuse, talking about the different kinds of abuse. This was very helpful because it really laid out what abuse is. When reading the definitions and examples she laid out I started to think about times in my past when I was the victim of emotional abuse. Things I had passed off as normal and had lived with and through. After learning all about what emotional abuse is Kerry tells us a story, in great detail, of the emotional abuse she herself had suffered.

This is the real meat of the book and where it truly shines. Kerry's emotional abuser was a past boyfriend referred to only as "HIM" or "HE". No name is given but we all know who she is talking about. I was a little skeptical about not having a name for such a major character but the exclusion of a name in this sense is what makes the book all the more powerful. In several of Kerry's pieces about her emotional abuse I was able to put my own emotional abuser in the place of "HIM" and it opened my eyes in a very big way.

I suffered through emotional abuse in some very similar ways to Kerry. Her book gave me the strength to admit that I had been through a very emotional abusive relationship. Due to living through and surviving such a long emotionally abusive relationship I developed my own abusive traits. Not only was I able to relate to Kerry in this story but I found that in some ways I can see how what I do and how I act make me very similar to "HIM" as well.

Her book gave me the strength to admit that I had been through a very emotional abusive relationship and helped me look at how I currently live my life and how I treat others. Kerry herself is not a doctor or a professional, just a normal person who was brave enough to share her story with the world. The strength she helped me gain has lead to me seeking out professional help to deal with the aftermath of my own emotional abuse. I'm learning how to overcome my past and how to be a better person in my future.

This is an amazingly powerful and well written book. Everyone should read it and learn how much their actions can effect those around them.

Kerry Connelly gives us a firsthand look at the effects that emotional abuse can have on a person in her inspiring story Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression. Several authors have written firsthand accounts of physical abuse and rush to escape, but this is the first one I've read about being emotionally abused. Over several months, Kerry entered a relationship and was slowly battered down until she became a shell of her former self. I like how she talked about how it started innocently enough, and then soon became a full blown abusive relationship in which she had to take time off work and could not function, and he did all of that without laying a hand on her.

The thing I really love about this book is that it gives a voice to people who used to not have a voice. I've heard friends say, well, he doesn't hit me, it's not abuse. This validates that emotional abuse is in fact a form of abuse, and in some cases more devestating to the person being abused. They look the same on the outside, but their insides are what takes the brunt of the abuse, and that is very hard to fix. This is a good fast read that really covers a lot of ground. Her story also has hotlines, and checklists for people in abusive relationships. She also lists how to help someone who is in an abusive relationship, so friends and family do not have to sit idly by and watch their loved one fall apart. One thing I really appreciated about this book was that it does tackle emotional abuse. So many people believe that if a person is not being beaten, they’re not really being abused. Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a quick read as she candidly shares her story, and also offers a wonderfully in-depth look at many of the things she endured. She lists things to watch for, she tells how a depressed person feels, and how an abused person feels. She lists things that friends and family can do, and equally important, what they should not do or say. By writing this book, hopefully she can reach some people and help them to get out of relationships that are abusive.

'Upon my first reading of 'Shaken' I wondered how it was going to be presented, my thoughts were how much of it would be a self help book? or would there be a story? Well it is both I am pleased to say, at times difficult to read; I found that it set off a few triggers for me but it helps that it is written in a very intelligent clear and precise way. This is a revealing brave story of one Woman's journey (without giving too much away) from hitting rock bottom to finding a way to becoming herself again. It also highlights the importance of your inner voice or sixth sense. I had tears in my eyes for most of the book.

'Shaken forced me to visit a dark time in my life at the start of the book, by the end of the book it reminded me that I am now in a much better place. I think it is the fact I emphasized with the Author and I would describe it as an emotional roller coaster ride'
A real page turner that will stay with me for a very long time'

Kerry Connelly's book Shaken recounts her descent into the often insidious trap of an emotional abuser. With the clarity of hindsight she documents the escalation of the abuse, and how she finally escaped it.

Chock full of lists detailing the traits and consequences of an abusive relationship, Kerry's book will be a great resource for all those trapped in the same situation, and her candor will be very welcome to other victims of abuse

Shaken was an accurate description of living with an abuser. It showed the erosion of Kerry's sense of self, dealing with wild accusations and unreasonable demands. I will never forget his request to "Hold my hand." I wanted to crawl out of my skin as I read it.

So glad you are free today. Hope your life is full of joy and fulfillment

This is really a very powerful read. The author goes through a very rough time but does a wonderful job of explaining the long term damage of emotional abuse. There was so much here that hit home for me for many reasons. You don't have to be physically beaten to suffer long term damage from living with an emotional abuser (it can lead to that however and has which she points out) Being put down, making you feel low, always having to be in control, a person displaying a few of these things is an emotional abuser. I am happy that Kerry Connelly found the courage to get out when she did (I understand fully that its not easy especially when loneliness and helplessness are at the core not to mention fear) and that she wrote this in order to help others. I highly recommend reading this book for it can help anyone who is going through this. And even if have been fortunate enough never to have experienced this I still recommend it for becoming informed never hurts, and one can learn a lot here. Depression can happen to anyone at any time, and sometimes help is needed along with more understanding. This book helps you understand just how important that help is. I highly recommend reading it. Great job by Kerry Connelly.
A.M Torres - Author of Love Child

Kerry Connelly, like a good friend, shares her story with us. She helps us answer our own internal questions. After discovering our own answer, she guides us through resources leading the reader out of chaos and into the light of a better life.

We often wonder if we are experiencing emotional abuse. In a clear, easy to read book, those questions can be answered creating an avenue toward forward personal momentum.

While sharing her own very personal story, she has provided check lists and resources for us to utilize toward self discovery.

Thank you Kerry for having the courage to bare your soul with us. This book is a must read for anyone asking themselves, "am I being abused?

'Shaken' is a magnificent book. Harsh also. It is the story of one woman's fight to get away from her emotionally abusive partner. It is both poignant and infuriating. Poignant because the story is told with no fuss. Infuriating, because you want to shout, 'what are you still doing in there, after all this?' and you really want to kick the guy where it hurts to show him what it is to be in the other person's shoes.

There was an uncomfortable passage (for me) to read, and it is where her partner basically masturbates in front of her to just show that she is nothing, than he would rather do it himself than being with her. I have found this bit particularly harsh, not because of what it was but because of the spite in the act, of the length a man can go to show a woman she is worthless. And believe me, that guy had a good imagination in inflicting more emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is one form of abuse that is difficult to escape from and to recognisne. Unless physical abuse where the marks show, emotional abuse dig into the deepest of your being. Imagine, if every day, you were pricked with a needle in all your nerves endings, that hurts but it would not show, and this is what is emotional abuse. Even a strong woman can be taken in, and this what makes emotional abuse so scary because emotional abusers are more chilling, and in my opinion, good psychologists, because they will find that chink in your armour and use it against you.

The whole book is hard to read if you are sensitive. The words, the style, the language, everything is extremely emotionally charged. It is there to pass on a message.

It is not a self help book as such but the journey undertaken in it can help. But always know, that other people won't change. It is you who has to change, and you who has to have the courage to say 'enough is enough, I want my dignity back''.

If you are passionate in trying to eradicate violence and emotional abuse (any kind of abuse) against women, then buy this book. Lend it to others who might benefit from it but would never get it. Maybe because they are in denial or maybe because they do not think they are worthy, which the legacy of emotional abuse.

I am making this review from memory because SHAKEN only stayed with me the time to read it. Since then, it seems that this book is having a book tour of its own, having been passed from friends to women I don't know. I hope it will help some to make the right decision. I really have no hope of seeing it back, so, I am going to buy another copy.

And, it has been endorsed by Jean Sasson, author of Yasmeena's Choice: A True Story of War, Rape, Courage and Survival, what more of a recommendation do you need ?

Kerry Connelly has written a very important book that both abusers and the abused should read. A victim of psychological abuse, Connelly reveals her personal experiences of confusion, sadness and fear, and finally to her stoic determination to leave her abuser.

While Kerry's own story is highly readable, she deftly moves from her personal experiences to a compassionate guide that will make women aware of how abusers weave webs of abuse. Most importantly, Connelly's book will guide the way for the abused to safely leave their abuser, and to heal.

If you are being abused, or know someone who is being abused, I recommend that you buy this book.
Connelly's SHAKEN will prove to be invaluable.

Jean Sasson
International bestselling author of
PRINCESS: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia

This is a marvelous look into the nature of emotional abuse in a "romantic" relationship which serves many purposes at once. Not only does it provide valuable definitions of the wide-ranging mental and emotional states associated with emotional abuse but drawing on her own experience, the author presents an in-depth case study of a female victim in an emotionally abusive relationship, which makes for harrowing reading at times. Considering the overall lack of knowledge, interest or understanding of the dysfunctional types of relationships that women particularly can find themselves involved with, this comprehensive case study and guide is a welcome addition to the literature of what should be a more acknowledged and understood phenomena.

-Dermot Davis (Author of 'The younger man"

Brilliant. Honest.