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Reviewed by Karen Pirnot for Readers' Favorite
Riding the Passionate Edge: Converting Tension into Emotional Intimacy is a lovely read for any couple finding emotional distance in their relationship. Authors Mary and Tom Cushman are trained therapists who acknowledge that any couple is going to have tension in a long-term relationship, but that beginning to acknowledge the tension and handling it with respect and maturity can usually change negative dynamics into positive interactions. The authors contend that "spats" are not really tiny nuisances, but are the basis of anger and dissatisfaction that oftentimes build to boiling point. Tension-changing exchanges must not be ignored, but they do need to be expressed at the right time and in a kind and respectful way. There are dialogues and examples given of ordinary circumstances that have the potential to become explosive, leading to "misshapen anger."
The sections on mistaking thoughts for feelings, having mixed feelings and being overly-sensitive are common sense explanations of everyday human interactions. When we take personally the actions of others, we set ourselves and our partners up for tough times. I appreciated the reminder that there are always two sides to an argument and that timing, respect and focus are the key elements to effective communication with a partner. Lastly, coming to a resolution is explained as the key to setting aside a grievance. While there may not be new information in this book, Riding the Passionate Edge does have a fluidity which will keep the interest of those needing alternatives to current interactions which simply are not working. And, as the Cushmans explain, when tension is resolved, intimacy has a good chance of flourishing where anger previously resided.
