Break Up With Yourself

How to un-mask and un-become the man you were told to be and end the cycle of toxic masculinity

Non-Fiction - Self Help
170 Pages
Reviewed on 02/20/2023
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    Book Review

Reviewed by Courtnee Turner Hoyle for Readers' Favorite

Break Up With Yourself by Rish Mitra is a self-help book designed to assist men when they decide to break away from toxic thought patterns. The author draws from his personal experience as he relates situations where he felt judged and encourages his readers to adopt a new perspective. At the end of each chapter, the author provides worksheets to help readers apply the material in each section to their lives.

The theme of the book centers around self-worth and awareness of toxic stereotypes. Rish Mitra provides statistics that illuminate the stigma around the roles boys are led to assume. He highlights how the application of the advice will help both men and women and lists societal slights against women as he outlines the need for a transition in thinking. Mitra doesn’t shy away from difficult topics, citing his sons as his inspiration for promoting awareness about the effects of toxic masculinity. The author doesn’t leave his readers after the book concludes.

At the beginning of the book, Mitra encourages them to download a calendar to help them begin their journey into positivity, and he provides resources in his non-profit organization, the Dads and Deadlifts Foundation, to provide strategies for overcoming emotional and mental trauma. Break Up With Yourself would be a wonderful gift for men who have struggled with labels and depression. It would also benefit women readers, as the book could show them how to better understand the men in their lives and may give them the blueprint for raising more emotionally healthy sons.

Alex Ndirangu

Eight-year-old Rish woke up screaming for help. His body hurt and his wrists were bruised in a futile attempt to flee. Did he understand that he had been sexually molested at the time? Most likely not. He also did not know the implications that this fateful day would have on his life. First came shame, then denial, followed by emotional dissociation. Man up, they said when he tried to talk about his challenges to his closest friends. His internal chatter was wrapped in silence and shyness for nearly three decades until he holds his newborn son. He realizes that if he does not break the cycle of trauma then it will surely bleed into his parenting. In Break Up with Yourself, Rish Mitra walks you through the methods he used to overcome his melancholy, anxiety, and trauma toward becoming the better man and father he is today. Although his journey was to liberate himself from the cycle of abuse, humiliation, and guilt, his journey also relates to any other traumas you may be looking to conquer and free yourself from.

Rish Mitra's experiences are moving and inspiring. He discovers his purpose through pain and trauma, becoming a light bearer for fathers, young men, and boys stuck in social stereotypes that do not necessarily define their authentic selves. Boys never cry. Take it like a man and stop wailing. All of these scream old, agreed-upon wisdom devoid of individuality or originality. Mitra is excellent at handling these issues delicately and assisting you in developing a purpose and a cause to defy the stigmas that have left many men humiliated, in fear, and separated from the crowd. Each chapter contains multiple references to expert opinions, real-life experiences of dealing with these issues, and several uplifting quotes dedicated to helping awaken the real, authentic you. Break Up With Yourself also introduces you to Dads and Deadlifts, a podcast by Mitra. The platform shares stories from men and women who survived physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, and addictions and how they emerged triumphant and ready to begin a new chapter. There is no reason to waste your life by living a lie cultivated by one's parents or society. Take small steps, grab a copy of this book, build a better life, and reinvent yourself.

Adanna Ora

Boys have been socialized to be emotionally cold, to accept sexual assault as the norm and make fun of it, or to repress their feelings. As a result, males have developed into people who hide their feelings out of fear of being teased or mocked by their peers. With his book Break Up with Yourself Rish, Mitra has sought to remedy this. Rish had to deal with the trauma of his nanny abusing him when he was a young child, and he refused to accept it as the norm or brush it off. He wants to assist men in his position in identifying their areas of vulnerability and making deliberate attempts to avoid experiencing similar situations. Rish also provides therapy, giving exercises that can help free one’s mind and tasks to monitor personal growth. Toxic masculinity seems to be prevalent in our society, and the author aims to show men that it's okay to be vulnerable and stop that cycle.

To say that I applauded the concept of this book would be an understatement. This is because the author's viewpoints embrace all that I have consistently stood for. There is a need for dialogue to focus on the needs of male children and books like this set the stage for it. I liked the author's style of writing, particularly the way he used his own experiences to illustrate his points and his desire to make sure that his children don't go through the same trauma. To support his case, the author also draws on the words of famous men. He guides readers through Buddhist-inspired practices that they can use for both exercise and meditation. I would suggest this book to any man, at any time. For our society to change, we must ensure that each person is whole. I appreciate Rish Mitra's initiative in writing Break Up with Yourself.